Choir Jokes

Ok, which ones should be scrapped? Let us know! Caution, some of these are prickly.

 

Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A: He can’t find the key and doesn’t know when to come in.

Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.
A: She was known as the deep C diva.

Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to do it, and five to say, “It’s too high for him.”

Q: What’s the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
A: “I didn’t wake up this morning…”

Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.
Person 2: Yes, but it’s much more terrible if he doesn’t realize it.

Q: Why was the soprano arrested?
A: Because she was in treble.

Q: Why were the singers locked out of their rehearsal room?
A: They missed the key change.

Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage?
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.

Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons?
A: I don’t want the neighbors to think I’m employing corporal punishment, dear.

Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can’t get up that high.

What is the definition of a mezzo soprano?
Just an alto with a soprano’s attitude.

What’s the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.

What’s the definition of an alto?
A soprano who can sight read.

What’s the difference between an alto and a tenor?
Tenors don’t have hair on their backs.

How do you tell if a bass is actually dead?
Hold out a check

How many basses does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They’re so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.

What is the difference between a high school choral director and a chimpanzee?
It’s scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.

Why can’t you hear a soprano on a digital recording?
Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Her final note has now been sent,
Her final chord’s undone.
After life’s gloom, death should present
Her moment in the sun.
Alas, she has the worst of fates –
She must in Limbo stay
And wait outside the Pearly Gates
Forever and a day.
She’s not shut out because of sin
Her virtue’s plain to see.
It’s just… she never knew when to come in,
And could never find the key.
[found on the page before the mystery “The Killer in the Choir” by Simon Brett]

Music Jokes

Definition of Perfect Pitch: Throwing a banjo into the trash landing perfectly onto a bagpipe.

After the rehearsal, a viola player went to the nearby restaurant. Leaving her viola in the car, she went in. She was aghast later when she remembered the car was unlocked. She raced to the car. But, by now there were FOUR violas in the car.